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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22801189">Old Regrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemsofformenos/pseuds/gemsofformenos'>gemsofformenos</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Of Shame and Honor (Works around Hei-Ran) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Rise of Kyoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort, Dealing with shame, Gen, Grief, Kyoshi receives some shocking news, Lost Love, Shame, dealing with grief, supportive mother</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 19:07:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22801189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemsofformenos/pseuds/gemsofformenos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hei-Ran cannot wait any longer. She has to talk a word with Kyoshi about Rangi and about things she regrets in her own life. She owes the Avatar to share these things with her. She owes this Kyoshi too... and her daughter... and herself.<br/>- Sequel One-Shot to 'Melting The Ice' -</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Of Shame and Honor (Works around Hei-Ran) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Old Regrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have been busy lately and I'm also struggling with a little writers block somehow, but this idea has hit me some days ago and so I finally decided to work this one out. More stuff around my favorite character Hei-Ran and the struggles she has to face. I wish all of you a lot of fun with this one here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hei-Ran hated this weakness. She hated it with every fiber of her body and so she fought it with every one of it since months and she was making progress. She had doubled her efforts since Kyoshi has shown up here at the North too for training and for aiding Rangi and her.</p><p>To see her wonderful daughter smiling with this certain fire in her eyes gave her new life and energy.</p><p>To see how much Kyoshi has grown into this new role, the patience, strength and dignity this young girl could radiate made her proud.</p><p>To have his spirit beside her again let her heart jump... and was sending painful stings through it at the same time.</p><p>Her fingers wandered into her robe to pull out an old piece of paper. The surface was worn and it had many cuts and rips on it. A tear tried to come to her eyes, but her will forced the sign of grief and love to stay hidden... for now.</p><p>Hei-Ran released a sigh and laid back on the furs of her resting place. The luxurious quarter was still amazing even after all these months since Rangi has brought here here. It was impressive what the Waterbender were able to build out of their element and with her own state of health getting better she could finally start to acknowledge it. The wide living room was filled with thick furs and skillfully crafted furnishing. </p><p>The sound of Rangi and Kyoshi coming back ripped her out of her toughts. The two girls came in, laughing and chatting about the day. Kyoshi had laid her arm around Rangi, holding her girlfriend at her waist, while Rangi as leaning against Kyoshi‘s shoulder. A little smile rushed over Hei-Ran‘s lips, but it faded moments later. </p><p>She couldn‘t wait any longer. Kyoshi has honored her with her trust, so she had to talk with her about it. It was her duty.</p><p>Rangi recognized the serious look of her mother and the look of the young Firebender became worried.</p><p>„Is everything alright, mother?“</p><p>The worried sound of her voice also drawn Kyoshi‘s attention. The Avatar observed mother and daughter carefully, noticing the tension, which was building up, but stayed quiet. Hei-Ran‘s eyes were resting on the couple, but she noticed that her hand was holding the old paper with a firmer grip than before.</p><p>„No.“</p><p>The silence which followed was heavy and cut through the room like a knife. Kyoshi‘s hand instantly searched for Rangi‘s and the Firebender squeezed her hand hard as soon as the Avatar‘s searching one found hers. Kyoshi could feel her trembling, but Rangi remained focus. Everything in her screamed to run to her mother and to ask her what was wrong and what she could do to help her, but she knew Hei-Ran‘s look and so she waited nervously about her explanation. The Firebender master took a deep breath, which was increasing the worries of Kyoshi and Rangi. This was not like they used to know her.</p><p>„I need to talk with the Avatar. Alone.“</p><p>Rangi swallowed hard and some of her color had drained from her face, but she bowed deep before her mother and gave Kyoshi a kiss on her cheek, before she left the room. The Avatar observed her leaving until the doorway had swallowed her, then she turned back to Hei-Ran. The nervousness of the proud woman was giving her worries too. The Firebender offered her a seat beside her and the Avatar took place in silence. Kyoshi noticed, that Hei-Ran had started to play with a piece of paper in her hands and that her look seemed to be distracted. Moments passed in silence and the tension became stronger. The woman beside her was obviously in a deep struggle, so finally Kyoshi placed a hand on Hei-Ran‘s and a smile came to the Avatar‘s lips.</p><p>„You wanted to speak with the Avatar Sifu Hei-Ran, here I am. How can I help you?“</p><p>The Firebender stiffened for a moment at the soothing touch of Kyoshi and her eyes rested on the hand above her own, which was holding the paper, but then she huffed a little with a sad smile and stroke carefully over Kyoshi‘s hand, before she guided it away from her own. The Earthbender noticed the struggle in her master‘s eyes.</p><p>„Sometimes I regret decisions I made, Avatar. Like trusting Jianzhu for too long.“</p><p>Kyoshi observed her pensively. The look of the woman in front of her seem to leave the room.</p><p>„I was drilled to be the woman I am today. An perfect example for every woman in the Fire Nation, strong, proud, every inch shaped to represent the finest attributes of a Fire Nation lady. I accepted my role with pride and dignity and for some time I was happy with it, but then my own heart betrayed me and I started to struggle.“</p><p>Kyoshi felt a knot building up in her stomach. She had noticed a wet glitter in Hei-Ran‘s eyes.</p><p>„I had to struggle with my own expectations, my faith in what was good and right for my family, in what I was owing the world and what my heart was craving for and do you know what I choose?“</p><p>The wet glitter was now prominent in Hei-Ran‘s eyes as she focused Kyoshi‘s look. The Avatar could feel this cold prickle at her spine, but she withstood the Firebender‘s eyes.</p><p>„You choose what you thought would be the best for others.“</p><p>A soft and almost pitied smile rushed over Hei-Ran‘s lips and she nodded.</p><p>„Correct. I was drilled for such situations. I was warned throughout my whole life that situations like this are around every corner. It is what I taught my students... what I taught my daughter.“</p><p>A bitter huff escaped her mouth ind it was sending down an uncomfortable shiver Kyoshi‘s back. The lack of self-discipline was shocking her. She had never seen Hei-Ran this way.</p><p>„I choose to stay distant, only to recognize that I failed in my attempts over and over again. It was out of question for me to follow my heart, it would only have brought trouble, it would had cost focus, he never seem to have serious interests in me and so my heart was restless, but one day things changed. I found Junsik and my heart found peace. I found my luck and I forged it too.“</p><p>Tears started to run down Hei-Ran‘s cheeks.</p><p>„And I lost it. I lost it at one weak night, when a friend visited me. I lost it as I tried to console him over his own lost. I lost it as Kuruk revealed his true feelings.“</p><p>Kyoshi closed her eyes for a moment to focus again. She felt her own world spinning and only some sharp breaths, which were sounding so much like Rangi‘s told her, that Hei-Ran was finally crying. The woman continued her story with a tear-soaked voice.</p><p>„You know, Kuruk has lost his fiance to Koh and ever since he tried to free her again, but failed. After another failed attempt he came to me to search for guidance and for consolation. He was so broken at this night, it ripped at my own heart with brutal force and I was weak. I tried my best to give him new hope, but it was futile. He said Ummi had once healed his broken heart, no one could heal it again.“</p><p>The cold tickle intensified and Kyoshi noticed, that she had started to tremble.</p><p>„I asked Kuruk what he was talking about and he gave me this.“</p><p>Kyoshi noticed how she had to struggle to take the paper out of Hei_Ran‘s shaking hands. She already knew what it was.</p><p>A poem.</p><p>A love poem.</p><p>The one Kuruk had written for Hei-Ran.</p><p>The one he had destroyed at Jianzhu‘s advice. But obviously he has played one of his famous tricks to keep it and to trick his friend.</p><p>Hei-Ran‘s tears were running free now.</p><p>„He told me that he never thought he could reach me. He told me, that he was sure he would never be good enough for me, that I devers someone, who would be a better person than he was. He told me that it was too late as he finally has found the strength to ask me, because I had found my luck.“</p><p>Hei-Ran buried her face in her hands in shame and cried on. Kyoshi stared at the poem for some time, but fianlly she dared to wrap her arms around Rangi‘s mother and the woman allowed her to spend some comfort until her tears ran less strong. She gave the Avatar an ashamed look.</p><p>„I was weak, Kyoshi. Overwhelmed by my emotions. We... ended up in bed this night.“</p><p>The shame was rushing over Hei-Ran like a giant wave. The woman avoided the look of the Avatar and her voice fell to a choked whisper.</p><p>„It made all worse from this day on. Kuruk was putting all the blame on himself for this situation. He blamed himself and himself alone for pushing me in this place, for risking my luck with Junsik, for bringing shame on me and my honor. He said he was right, that he was never good enough for me, that he could never match my honor, only ruin it. He left in haste and shame and we haven‘t met again until he was on his deathbed.“</p><p>Kyoshi swallowed hard at the sight of Hei-Ran. The Firebender looked terribly exhausted and was pale and trembling in shame and grief. She wanted to hug her again to spent some soothing touch, but Rangi‘s mother raised her hand to stop her.</p><p>„I owed you this story as the Avatar and as Kyoshi for many reasons.“</p><p>She faced Kyoshi‘s green orbs with bitter determination.</p><p>„For you as the Avatar and as a friend to honor the trust you show me by accepting a fallen master at your side again and for you as my daughter‘s girlfriend. I have felt and seen what it can cost when you dare to push your heart aside. I love my daughter more than my life and I have seen how happy both of you are. You dare to do what I have failed to do, what Kuruk has failed as well and so I will stand strong at the side of you two. I promised to help you to do it better and I will.“</p><p>This time Kyoshi was faster that Hei-Ran and the Avatar pulled the woman in a close hug, while tears were running down her cheeks.</p><p>„Thank you, Hei-Ran.“</p><p>The Firebender stiffened for a moment, but then she wrapped her arms around Kyoshi as well. She pulled the young Avatar even closer and Kyoshi noticed a new nervousness rising as Hei-Ran started to whisper in her ear.</p><p>„And I owe this Kuruk too. It was never his fault or at least it was our fault. Always. It was my fault that I made him believe he wasn‘t good enough for me. For failing to show him how much honor was hidden in him. For failing to tell him how wonderful he was.“</p><p>She sobbed hard and Kyoshi noticed the shiver running through Hei-Ran.</p><p>„It... It was my fault that I never... That I never told him that Ran... that Rangi is probably his daughter.“</p>
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